I'm pretty sure that German beer is probably not the panacea for my disorder of my soul, but then alcoholic lubrication has always been a solid choice of angst-ridden cerebral set. For my friend, Jim the Younger, it has been a lifestyle choice, or least a meritorious aim to join the Golden Joyce Circle of the Underappreciated Literary Lush. Probably this is my highbrow excuse for getting out of the house and becoming as three sheets to the wind. Closest guess would be therapy for a long week, much of it being a bad time to be a gay Jewish humanist. I am so up against the wall with the blindfold and cigarette within a decade or less at this rate. Personally, I don't want to become a martyr to the cause because being dead sucks alot, and makes it hard to appreciate anything profound. This has always been my problem with dying well. The dying part. What was it that Woody Allen once said? "I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
I should accept the state of the world as proof of the theory I've placed my faith upon, based on my understanding of history, that conservatism becomes zealotry in the face of the time before a paradigm shift. If you listen to alot of real "Islamists" talking about the battle between militant and moderate Islam, they say that the militancy is actually not so strong as it is desperate to hold onto the ground it is losing to an adaptive moderate change. It may be like pailing out the ocean by the bucketful to prevent an impending tsunami, but for right now, long as some see that water is inside the pail and being emptied from the ocean, they'll believe that they are affecting sea levels. My direct relation is that my struggle now is very close to an essential part of the human struggle, the conflict between those who fear change they see as inevitable, and those who are willing to do anything to not even face the fear of change that is inevitable. I used to believe I was a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, and I still am; but the world is mostly an octagonal peg trying to fitting into a square hole. It doesn't make at any easier to live right now, but least it makes it less elitist. It's the old paradigm that still leaves that with that sublime legacy that "we are smart and they are dumb" belief, when they simply managed to slot into the system created so that they don't have to think or know, and we are the refuse of that system. Order must be maintained, and we are bad for order. Even from those who think themselves "rebels" find offense in freethinkers at time, because rebellion is sublimination into itself to the system in an reflective interaction, like how LeVay's Satanism is just anti-Catholicism. "Color outside the lines, but don't leave the page." The closer we get to the change, the more desperate those who don't want to accept that the legacy of their "ancestors" might no longer apply in the newly redefined world. That's my battle really, I know that the End of History is here.. the problem is that the New History will mean I am not longer in supremacy.