My supervisor, who shouldn’t be coming today, is coming, but not until the afternoon. This offers a small reprieve to maybe blog. Not like I’ve made much of any of my other opportunities to write, at work or elsewhere. My parents’ visit has gone unchronicled. Fragments of the high goofiness from my 64-hour workweek are lost to literary limbo. I missed even the chances to release a kvetchstorm on several petty confrontations. Hell, I passed on mocking the Democratic National Convention. The point is that I am not lacking for inspiration, but for just about everything else. Want to know what it’s like to have ADHD? Pretty much like this. You are a slave to your head. A mindwhore. You feel used like some cybernetic machine solely serving at the whims of your addiction for stimulus. Yeah, might sound like overdramatic. Then, you try to run the output of a Cray through a couple lousy abacuses. Not just that your internal processors work too much, more that all the input blows out the output lines unless your whole system is in synch with the programming language.

Filtered down more critically, and language is a core issue right now. Much as I wish I could just go old school dysfunctional, and blame it on biochemistry. When I try to write lately, what I put on screen and page feels so forced and contrived. Sometimes I feel like I don’t as much use words as I cook them. Words are ingredients, being nice alone, but best when combined properly and allowed to simmer. Just now, I am a lousy literary chef. I try too hard, and I end up with an overcooked pulpy mash, like bland pre-chewed grub stewed for a toothless Alzheimer’s patient. I let the prose flow too much and the paragraphs sit on screen like barely-kneaded dough left out too long to rise, raw and indigestible. Let alone that I’m dragging myself into the kitchen because I feel badly that I am not cooking as much as others wish, and don’t enjoy making a five-course dinner out of matzo meal just because I can.

(the stamp relates when I wrote this. I am posting it twelve hours later.)