Okay, going to join probably the masses of irate bloggers who are dissecting Shrub's State of the Union.. but I've been waiting for the transcript to come out, hot on the webpresses of the White House...
Okay, actually, I read through it first, and I don't know where to start. Clinton's Union addresses we like watching an ass fart for an hour or longer. Bush's speech is like having that ass come right out the screen and shit on your desk. This was truly a finely crafted, and PR-pleasing crock of utter crap, nearly wholly bereft of a hook into actual American reality, and peppered with promises from the man who hasn't kept a promise to anyone with below a six-figure income since he came into office. He's actually saying we as Americans are all better for how badly his administration has screwed up. It's not frustration and sorrow we feel for being shat on. It's "resolve" and "compassion" we should feel from having such powerful people hopping up and down on our collective spine. Patting on the back for programs that were improperly funded, or made golden eggs for business, and then promises for more programs that will similarly be underfunded, and made golden eggs for business.
Fight and die for me. I'm right. It's all come out good, I promise. It'll least look good. I'll bandy symbolic terms that appeal to you, but my colleagues and I haven't shown we known the meaning off. (Like the winning cartoon ad from moveon.org's contest,) Terrorism. Terrorism. 9-11. 9-11. God bless America. Goodnight.

I once believe nothing was ineffable. Everything could be expressed if explored properly, with language developed. I believed humans to be creatures of logic and reason, and applications of the intellect couple explain everything. I've spent years now, finding the words that encapsulate me, the center of my being. But I've come to see now, I've failed. There is a point where language fails to describe the complexity of the human spirit. I feel myself there, right now. I am blinded by my discontent, alone in a house full of friends and potential friends, scrabbling to fit myself into the world. I've set myself adrift by losing the anchor of my dependence, and I cannot see the shores I expected. My humor keeps me afloat, but it does not make me swim. Comedy, which has been a core that I have held onto so tightly through years where I felt oblivion just a heartbeat away, is nothing more than another facade, a layer constructed to foster an illusion of control. I'm not sure what is real anymore, and here is where I am ineffable. I am frightened beyond words to describe it. I face the emptiness within, and I know my ego is false. I won't find what I want in financial independence, anymore than I believed I would find purpose in being a social animal. Who am I? What do I do know? These people are all around me, and I don't know how to tell them how I feel. I don't know what I feel myself. When I bawled my eyes out beginning of last week, shredded by the rejection and frustration in my job search, doubting my own worth, I think I spilled out more of myself than I knew. Maybe I really began to look at where I was in my life, and the stuff of my life began to fall away. Yet, I still mistrust myself, that I am seeking to be discontent, to find specific and ordinary reasons for it, and punish myself for it. So even that offers no strength. What I enjoy offers me no solace. I act not because I desire to, but because I do what I always have known. There is an immanent sense of nowness. But why does it feel like a doom? The stupidest cliche is we always get what we ask for. I always wanted answers. If I had these answers, everything would make sense and I would know some kind of peace. Now I know I do want peace, but I'm not sure even what the questions are.

tomorrow I call for a job interview in the morning, and I will read the Sunday job section over tea, but after that I think I might go visit a Buddhist temple or monastery.

Book VI, Analect 17: "The Master says, 'Who can go out without using the door? Why, then, does no one follow this Way?'"
Analects of Confucius

I wonder how many human beings died with their true last words left unspoken, "I never understood the world." It's less a mantra, than a protective axiom. Like a great psychic shield against the brutal absurdity of a world where hairless apes kill each other over petrified dinosaurs, pretty yellow rocks, and privilege to eat first before the rest of the species. A world where who you are matters greatly on who you've been and where you came from. Ants in a disturbed ant hill trying to work as a team to keep the hive together, but every worker is afraid of the warriors, and out of touch with the noble queen. I cried all morning in frustration and anger that I didn't have the right numbers and names to make someone arbitrarily chose me to earn more numbers and names which somehow give me the right to survive. Henry Ford once said that if the American People knew what the banks were really doing them, the rich would all be dead tomorrow. They made a supreme deity that is the Great Father who decides if we've done right at society's dinner table, or we go to the dirt bed without our dessert serving of salvation. H.L. Mencken defined the Creator as a Comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh. I think that's what I've forgotten again. To laugh. To be the Laughing Buddha. Comedy is really just philosophy with better punchlines. The only way to get dessert is to eat myself alive for the main course after drinking every drop of my social sewage. Power to the person, because people have enough power already. Praise be to St. Shemp. No-one really remembers him when they list the Three Stooges, but that didn't make him be any less funny. Praise be to St. Shemp, the Lost Stooge. Maybe when Jesus does return, they'll find him with a giant tub of popcorn and some Raisinettes, in some Midwestern theatre showing a Charlie Chaplin festival. I came, I saw, I made fun of you. Why would I want to understand the world? If I did, I'd run out of reasons to laugh. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Looks like I had a very European visitors to my page. I really should add a comments thing. Jim the Younger's Blog got a comment last week from someone in Portugal. He used an online translator and it was something to do with smiles.

I could blame my lack of posts this week on the freak snow here in Seattle, but considering I spent most the snow days sequestered in my room at House Decided, the power of that excuse falls through. It's not like I've never seen snow before. When I lived in the San Bernardino Mountains (yes, right where the big fire was this last year, we had snow. Mind you, it was that dirty smog-seeded foul ice that comes from living just above the pollutant air line. But snow in Seattle, it was at sea level and we got a half a foot. It was so cold, that the window at the head of my bed was emanating cold several inches from the glass and I slept fetally and fully clothed. I built a fire in the fireplace without using a gas starter. I felt so butch. Seriously. Then it rained and I went out to apply for a security job, walking in slush. The closest I ever got to that experience was stepping in a spilled Icee in Houston on a cold December day. Then it rained another couple days and the snow was pretty much all gone. Now it's grey and rainy all the time. A proper Seattle winter.

Been checking the conspiracy theory websites again... found this:

Iran earthquake triggered by HAARP?

Phase III

Folks, it's just my opinion, but I believe that Iran was hit with an earthquake by means of HAARP, here is why:

I remember reading yesterday (I believe on a link from Propaganda Matrix and LibertyThink.com) on CyberSpaceOrbit.com about HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program) being turned on at the same time that the terror color alert was issued (HAARP comes on in idle Hi-power mode just after High terror alert issued).

I told one of my friends that I wouldn't be surprised if we started getting hit with earthquakes, volcanoes, or some other condition that HAARP reportedly causes (HAARP Home Page - Radar Matrix - HAARP.net).

I then got a phone call this morning as I was on the way back home, that Iran was hit with a massive earthquake with reported deaths at around 5,000-6,000 (Iran Quake Reportedly Kills 5,000-6,000). Once I arrived home, I began pulling articles and have found that now the number is estimated more closely to 20,000 (Thousands Feared Dead in Iran Earthquake).

I began talking to my friend Eric Hufschmid about this, in which case he sent me a copy of recent massive earthquakes (Data of MAJOR Earthquakes within the past 5 days)... NOTICE HOW THERE HAVE BEEN 8 MAJOR EARTHQUAKES (7 listed on the article, 8 listed on the Govt's website) THAT HAVE BEEN OCCURRING SINCE DECEMBER 21st?! BUT YET THE NEWS IS TRYING TO WHITEWASH THIS BY LISTING MAJOR EARTHQUAKES SINCE 1923, AS IF THIS IS A RANDOM AND NATURAL OCCURRENCE?! (Raw Data: Major Earthquakes Since 1923). They even go so far as to call it "raw data" --- GIVE ME A BREAK!

I then called my friend and told her that I'm sure there will be a press conference, that will try and justify this as a convenient excuse to invade, er, help Iran (White House Offers Aid to Iran After Earthquake) --- even though we were gearing up to invade them a while back... (U.S. Accuses Iran of Trying to Make Nuclear Weapons - In-House Memos on Television and Print Media News Presentations - Project for the New American Empire & Archie's Comments)

Now I can only wonder what pre-text we're going to use to go after Syria, since it appears that we'll now use this to get Iran.

From The Propaganda Matrix

I think the most frightening thing is the fact that there are people in our government who would probably do this if it furthered their own power agendas. Course, they really might have done this. What's that line from Strange Days? "It's not a question if you are paranoid. The question is are you paranoid enough?" something like that.

Lacking in posts again. But then what I got for Hannukah was my first cold of the season, and I spent four days laid up, and I am still working on the subsequent sinus infection. As if I needed to lay around and do nothing for another week...

I don't know how well this is going, really. I've been here a month and a half, and I've still found no work. I've rarely left the house, going downtown when forced by jobhunting or appointments. I know I haven't been here long, and it's winter, but I do have a reasonable fear that I'll just use the house as my shield from reality and not do what is needed for my life. It's hard to talk to the woman about it because she is happy to have a life where it is house-centric. Forget the Man, he's even harder to talk to because he's so superresponsible. It's like trying to talk to my dad, but without having to cut out the twisted humor. I don't want to confess to feeling lost. I want to believe I'm not. But I am. My life is bogging down in mundanity, and I'm finding it harder to read because it is harder for me to think clearly. I've lost my means of expression through gaming, as that's dried up nearly completely, and writing in this blog feels like a chore. Not that more than four people read it, and only two of them regularly, and one of those is me.
What am I doing here? no that's wrong. Why am I doing here? I feel nothing. I am free and I feel nothing. I hide the same as I did when I was not free, I lead the same limited life, physically, mentally, and spiritually, as I did before I was free. What is the point? That I get some job, and then maybe I will feel free. Why does their economics prejudge whether I am free? I chose to be free, so economics or not, I am free.
But when will I feel it?
Is it so much to ask to just want to feel it inside?