Third day parental money free. If that sounds like an addict ticking off his days of sobriety, the comparison is purposeful. It's getting hard to cope right now, the emotional atmosphere of the house seems radically different than when I came up to visit that first (and only) time. I don't know how to explain it. It's this sense of pervasive disunity, making me feel like I am living alone in a house full of people living alone. I'm trying not to ride myself hard, since my own headtrip could be correlating and magnifying small threads of household trouble. Maybe it's the offshoot of an unrealistic expectation that I would feel immediately at home when I arrived. Yet, I'm not so certain it is me. A couple of the housemates seem to only be here because they lack anywhere else to go, and are treating the house as some waystation. Since I've been here, some regular visitors come and go at their leisure, more concerned with using the house as some rec center. The Woman (what I will be calling "The Friend from Seattle" since that doesn't seem to fit now) is having an heinous attack of mental overload, and can't even speak. She and I had to communicate on the wipeboard in the kitchen earlier, and even her therapist is worried about here right now. I feel so at a loss, being forced to cope with big problems when sharing living space with other mates, when I'm still working on coping with the regular small troubles. I worry too, that the Woman's overload is due to too much change around her, and somehow I am indirectly and unintentionally responsible, that I should have waited for her to adjust to the other household changes to move up in the Spring. Am I in over my head?
In the end, I can do is repeat that insufficient statement, "I don't know."