Beyond the cutting and pasting I've done to send selections of this blog to J the Elder (who I apologize for not sending the next packet for some time, when he sees this,) I have really not gone over what I've written in this blog. I've always thought that would interfere with some free consciousness immediacy, but when I use that many syllables in a reason, it's a bullshit excuse, really. I should sit down and read my old entries, and look for the threads of struggle and success woven throughout them. Even if it was just some odd section of a book, or a rant on how people deal with transit, everything in this blog had enough meaning for me to overcome my reluctance and record it so that posterity could probably forget it quickly, and work on all the blogs about Michael Jackson and the stolen presidency.
I've spent so much time, post-meltdown, trying to disown the power of my past over me, that I've taken a hatchet to a sunflower. Yes, the past doesn't exist anymore as we could understand it, but if our minds affect reality, what is the power of memory? How can I preach the high qualities of human reflection, without allowances for how memory is still foundational to present perception. I've done alot to intellectually isolate concepts that I don't want to deal with, and now they are coming back to bite me harder in the ass. The problem with putting your past behind you, is that it is still following you. I can't shake it. There is so much in my life I have believed I made peace with, but I only compromised to make ignoring them possible so I can keep moving forward. Least it makes me feel like a true American, since I have done so well calling what is inefficiently thrown together to work under the short-term circumstances, and socially expedient and necessary. I really am a true patriot. Who knew?