I lost a really cool post about celebrating sympathy for Jesus as the hapless gnostic hippie rabbi he was. I'm peeved, but I'll repost it sometime soon, new and improved.
I really didn't expect to be posting as it is, even if it is Friday, since I couldn't go to the German tavern, drink my usual liter and a half of beer, and keep off cigarettes. Not least in the first week. I was really serious about that whole thing earlier with the Coke. I'm off the soda, or least down to the barest only-for-special-occassion consumption, as a larger commitment to clearing out thhead from the stomach outward. Then, I'm also being a proper American progressive, where after a day of reading on the sufferings of the poor peoples of the world, I atone for this horror by going out and eating vegan. I'm at this nice little organic basement cafe a block of the Ave. I couldn't imagine going straight home on a Friday night, it feels unnatural. Plus I do have to shake off the day. There is the upswell of commitment to the Way that has been rising this week, with a couple expected backsliding days. I'm beginning to physically feel like I am stradding two states of probability, as my mind refuses to give up one and empowers the other. It's kind of interesting to reflect on this feeling, since I wonder if this shares something that others could mistake for a mystical atmosphere. I can see how this could be seen as a closing of the distance with God, since some quantum philosophers have expressed their higher being as the sentience that lives in the Super-State, the wholeness of all probability states. But this is a really mild feeling compared to some of the stuff I've read and heard about from other seeker's experiences. I really need to plan least a few experiments in the upcoming week.
I feel like I am being repetitive in the blog, because in the end, I keep describing the same difficulty with how little I know, and how little I know about learning more. Just being in this state of expectation, of peripheral reality weaving, is just driving me fucking nuts. I miss being able to blame God for this. It was so much easier. That and I liked seeing the look on people's faces when I would stop suddenly and shake my fist at the heavens. One thing I am not doing is thinking like a Jew, and this is actually a bad thing. A Jew understands how to infuse the holy into everyday, just through the rituals of gratitude and obedience, as one chosen by God. It would be good if I could remove all that God stuff, but retain the means to empower the mundane. I am having so much trouble ridding myself of the notion that the everyday is somehow "lesser" to the "greater" elevated thoughts and experiences of illumination.
I've been calling myself a "gnostic humanist" lately. Beyond the apparent paradox, gnostic humanism could be interpreted more literally, with the two concepts, as the passionate personal pursuit of direct individual experience with realized humanity.
Well enough Friday rambling. I think all the healthy juice is going to my head, and I should head home before I get the sudden urge to wear hemp, bake my own beads, and want to trade Grateful Dead bootlegs. I'm still in my workpants and they are starting to itch.
As always, more to come. I am going to transcribe from several sources, things I've read in the last week, I want to share.
I really didn't expect to be posting as it is, even if it is Friday, since I couldn't go to the German tavern, drink my usual liter and a half of beer, and keep off cigarettes. Not least in the first week. I was really serious about that whole thing earlier with the Coke. I'm off the soda, or least down to the barest only-for-special-occassion consumption, as a larger commitment to clearing out thhead from the stomach outward. Then, I'm also being a proper American progressive, where after a day of reading on the sufferings of the poor peoples of the world, I atone for this horror by going out and eating vegan. I'm at this nice little organic basement cafe a block of the Ave. I couldn't imagine going straight home on a Friday night, it feels unnatural. Plus I do have to shake off the day. There is the upswell of commitment to the Way that has been rising this week, with a couple expected backsliding days. I'm beginning to physically feel like I am stradding two states of probability, as my mind refuses to give up one and empowers the other. It's kind of interesting to reflect on this feeling, since I wonder if this shares something that others could mistake for a mystical atmosphere. I can see how this could be seen as a closing of the distance with God, since some quantum philosophers have expressed their higher being as the sentience that lives in the Super-State, the wholeness of all probability states. But this is a really mild feeling compared to some of the stuff I've read and heard about from other seeker's experiences. I really need to plan least a few experiments in the upcoming week.
I feel like I am being repetitive in the blog, because in the end, I keep describing the same difficulty with how little I know, and how little I know about learning more. Just being in this state of expectation, of peripheral reality weaving, is just driving me fucking nuts. I miss being able to blame God for this. It was so much easier. That and I liked seeing the look on people's faces when I would stop suddenly and shake my fist at the heavens. One thing I am not doing is thinking like a Jew, and this is actually a bad thing. A Jew understands how to infuse the holy into everyday, just through the rituals of gratitude and obedience, as one chosen by God. It would be good if I could remove all that God stuff, but retain the means to empower the mundane. I am having so much trouble ridding myself of the notion that the everyday is somehow "lesser" to the "greater" elevated thoughts and experiences of illumination.
I've been calling myself a "gnostic humanist" lately. Beyond the apparent paradox, gnostic humanism could be interpreted more literally, with the two concepts, as the passionate personal pursuit of direct individual experience with realized humanity.
Well enough Friday rambling. I think all the healthy juice is going to my head, and I should head home before I get the sudden urge to wear hemp, bake my own beads, and want to trade Grateful Dead bootlegs. I'm still in my workpants and they are starting to itch.
As always, more to come. I am going to transcribe from several sources, things I've read in the last week, I want to share.
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