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I’ve added one of those nifty blogger add-ons to my Word so even though the connection at the upscale bakery café bit the big one, so to speak, I can import what I write on Word later on a stabler connection.
Stability. There’s a word. It is possibly a word I have regained, at least temporarily, into my lexicon of life. Yes, I have employment again, and of course, with the appropriate injection of immodest irony, I have returned to security. I go across Lake Washington, to the small downtown of the bustling exurban Mecca, Bellevue, to man a tiny post on a gigantic three-building site. The total crew needed to watch this site is fifty. My last site employed maybe that. But I jump forward without reality, since I will not know exactly what I have gotten myself into until tomorrow night. Any wayward individualist angst I could express is overpowered heavily by the simple sense of relief. True, the site might not work out for me, but I doubt that. Since I don’t plan to stay over six months at this site, under any circumstances, it makes the idea of playing the good underling all the easier. Much tongue-biting will be made. It was very clear, especially considering they hired me before even doing the background check, or making much of my termination, that they were desperate for a warm body with the right numbers to fill the vacant post. From my semi-understanding, I’ll be manning a desk to check in night employees through a back door.
But yes, I am relieved. Elated, no, relieved, yes. But for now, it is enough. And like some bad 80’s television show, any moral at the end of the latest episode would feel contrived and tacked-on. But one thing is certainly clear, whatever my future will hold… it is not the private sector that will provide it. If they will not exploit my talent, then it is wholly upon me to exploit them for myself. Its weirdly comforting to know that the stubborn pride that got me into this mess, might be what will get me out more wholly, because if I don’t write now, then all I just went through would seem pointless and I won’t allow for some meaning to be gained, even if just in spite, I’ll take it for now.
Keep watching this space again, true believers, since once I am sure that things are working out in the short term, I can return to the biting social commentary and philosophical acrobatics you know and love. All three of you. Okay, maybe four. We’ll see.
A note, that this post and the next one will be posted probably not far between in times, as I am wandering today, like the conscript who knows this is his last day before he has to fold up his civvies. I’m heading back up to Broadway to purchase a used copy of a time travel novel in a series I had most of, read over a number of times, and then sold in the Great Sundering of my collection before I moved here to Seattle. Even though, I’ve returned to commentary on The Diamond Sutra, I have this drive still to return to some comfort reading while I adjust to employment again. The desire is not as strong as it was when I was still unsure if I had a job, or someplace to live in a month if I didn’t have a job, but I’ll appease it nonetheless. I am still faced with the great unknown, ridden by my lack of a plan for my further future, unsure how to return to my explorations of self without falling into narcisstic havoc, but at least I feel the returning focus from getting back on track.
Oh, and just a note…. The conflict of the American psyche can be best marked by the fact that Kansas has accepted a “questioning” curriculum on evolution, but all seven intelligent design supporters up for re-election in Pennsylvania were swept from office. The past and the future are in conflict, and not all Americans are voluntarily blind.
Stability. There’s a word. It is possibly a word I have regained, at least temporarily, into my lexicon of life. Yes, I have employment again, and of course, with the appropriate injection of immodest irony, I have returned to security. I go across Lake Washington, to the small downtown of the bustling exurban Mecca, Bellevue, to man a tiny post on a gigantic three-building site. The total crew needed to watch this site is fifty. My last site employed maybe that. But I jump forward without reality, since I will not know exactly what I have gotten myself into until tomorrow night. Any wayward individualist angst I could express is overpowered heavily by the simple sense of relief. True, the site might not work out for me, but I doubt that. Since I don’t plan to stay over six months at this site, under any circumstances, it makes the idea of playing the good underling all the easier. Much tongue-biting will be made. It was very clear, especially considering they hired me before even doing the background check, or making much of my termination, that they were desperate for a warm body with the right numbers to fill the vacant post. From my semi-understanding, I’ll be manning a desk to check in night employees through a back door.
But yes, I am relieved. Elated, no, relieved, yes. But for now, it is enough. And like some bad 80’s television show, any moral at the end of the latest episode would feel contrived and tacked-on. But one thing is certainly clear, whatever my future will hold… it is not the private sector that will provide it. If they will not exploit my talent, then it is wholly upon me to exploit them for myself. Its weirdly comforting to know that the stubborn pride that got me into this mess, might be what will get me out more wholly, because if I don’t write now, then all I just went through would seem pointless and I won’t allow for some meaning to be gained, even if just in spite, I’ll take it for now.
Keep watching this space again, true believers, since once I am sure that things are working out in the short term, I can return to the biting social commentary and philosophical acrobatics you know and love. All three of you. Okay, maybe four. We’ll see.
A note, that this post and the next one will be posted probably not far between in times, as I am wandering today, like the conscript who knows this is his last day before he has to fold up his civvies. I’m heading back up to Broadway to purchase a used copy of a time travel novel in a series I had most of, read over a number of times, and then sold in the Great Sundering of my collection before I moved here to Seattle. Even though, I’ve returned to commentary on The Diamond Sutra, I have this drive still to return to some comfort reading while I adjust to employment again. The desire is not as strong as it was when I was still unsure if I had a job, or someplace to live in a month if I didn’t have a job, but I’ll appease it nonetheless. I am still faced with the great unknown, ridden by my lack of a plan for my further future, unsure how to return to my explorations of self without falling into narcisstic havoc, but at least I feel the returning focus from getting back on track.
Oh, and just a note…. The conflict of the American psyche can be best marked by the fact that Kansas has accepted a “questioning” curriculum on evolution, but all seven intelligent design supporters up for re-election in Pennsylvania were swept from office. The past and the future are in conflict, and not all Americans are voluntarily blind.
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